Patience is one of the most significant values one could have, and it also is one of those that are not so easy to keep long sometimes. Especially when dealing with kids, patience really gets tried and tested. When you build your own family and have your own kids, you will start to understand that parenting is more than just providing. It also is about still standing amidst anything and everything that tries to cut your patience to its shortest.
Everyone was once a child, so everyone knows how kids’ energy and behavior really differ from when you are already a teen or a grown-up human being. There are many things that kids do not know and that they want to do. It’s part of them not only being childish but actually being children. You were once in their place, however, there are many things and times when parents really do get angry with kids.
Anger is one of the emotions that parents often experience while parenting. Of course, many things make life stressful, to begin with. Responsibilities are part of life, but problems make them harder and heavier. Besides family matters, personal issues sometimes arise and exist among parents, too.
Those are some of the many reasons why parents get angry at their kids and react harshly at times. However, it’s very important also that parents learn the art of anger management, especially when the one they are contending with is their child. This is essential to raise good kids and developing a healthy parent-child relationship.
Check out these 7 parenting tips to manage and control your anger towards your kids.
1 – Calm down before you speak and act.
When you are very angry, it’s like your blood is boiling. You cannot contain it because if you do, your chest might explode, and you might die (well, not literally.) That’s the reason why you are able to blurt out hurtful and cruel words sometimes, and you do not even care about or realize their weight.
This is simple only when you talk about it and not when you are the one to apply it. Calm down before you speak and act. It may not be easy, but it is one of the first few steps to avoiding the horrible actions that anger might tell you to do. Collect yourself. Pull yourself together. Bring your mind back to the moment. Understand what’s happening. Think of what’s making you angry toward your kids. Ponder on what you want to do out of anger, but realize early how it would make your kids feel, too.
Before you do anything while angry, loosen up and regain your composure first. This will effectively prevent you from acting in ways you will surely regret later on.
2 – Be open to what your kids have to say.
Healthy communication is a must in all kinds of relationships. Listening is as important as speaking.
As parents, you truly do have the authority over the whole household, but that does not entitle you to disregard the rights of your family. You cannot and must not neglect the right of your children to be heard. They also have a voice in the family, and that voice should also be heard and understood.
Even when you are angry with your kids, you must not forget to listen. Often, you just keep speaking and speaking and speaking to express your emotions of dismay. You do that without trying to see other sides of the situation.
Be open to what your kids have to say as well. You will better realize if you really have to be mad or to react the way you do once you listen to them. Let them explain. Let them express their feelings, too. Know what happened and why it did. Be considerate of your kids, firstly by lending your ears open and unbiased as they speak.
3 – Don’t expect children to be perfect.
Because parents do everything they can to raise their kids in the best way they know and can, many of them set the bar high for their kids to meet. On a positive point of view, it could mean teaching kids to aim high and work hard to reach their goals, however, there’s also a negative angle. The latter could mean putting too much pressure on their shoulders. And when those high standards do not get attained, you get angry and disappointed.
It’s unhealthy for you and for your kids. Do not expect children to be perfect. If you force and expect kids to always be the best and never fail, even a bit or even once, you will surely fail to manage to get angry. You will often be exasperated because no one is perfect, not even yourself.
4 – Remember that kids are just kids.
If you look at it closely, you get mad sometimes because of things that should not be a big deal or that should not be really serious. Whenever you get angry towards your kids bumping into the table causing a vase to fall and break, or dirtying themselves after playing in the mud outdoods, remember that kids and just kids.
You were once a kid. You were uncontrollable and hard-headed at some point. Kids are not adults, not yet. Most things are still unknown, unfamiliar, and hard to comprehend for them because they are still kids. While teaching them to grow up and learn, it will not hurt to give more understanding to their childishness and immaturity sometimes because they are kids.
5 – Teach your children limits.
You are only human, and you do get angry at times. While you do your best to understand the kiddos, it’s important that they are also aware of the so-called limits. Teach them boundaries, so they can avoid doing something that will anger you, and so they are also kept well.
Teach children the existence of freedom with healthy limitations and the rewards when they comply and the consequences that come along when they don’t. Discipline, responsibility, and accountability should be learned by kids from a young age.
6 – Realize the possible effects of your anger.
Undeniably, a different side of you comes out whenever you are enraged. It’s not that your ‘true colors’ show, rather it’s another version of you that occurs only when you are put into overwhelmingly irritating emotions.
As you acknowledge that, you should also realize the possible effects of your anger. Before you speak and act, realize it already, and not when you have already done something caused by your intense emotions.
Realize how words you say out of anger could be remembered by your youngsters forever. You might also get violent when you shouldn’t be. You might do and say things you don’t really mean, but they will leave wounds on your dearest kids’ hearts.
In the worst cases, some parents who don’t use their heads physically abuse their kids because of their anger; others even cause their death. These are all heartbreaking. The law will not let them off the hook. Children’s protection institutions and lawyers fighting for children’s rights will break their legs to get the justice that those poor kids deserve.
7 – Understand your anger triggers, and learn to healthily deal with them.
You yourself know what you like and dislike, what pleases you and what offends you. From all past experiences of getting annoyed and angry at something or someone, you already know them by now.
Understand those anger triggers of yours, and learn to healthily deal with them. If the last time you got angry to let you shout loudly at your child, then next time, you should manage to be more calm and keep a clear mind even in the middle of your anger.
RESPONSIBLY ANGRY
Anger is a powerful emotion that can lead you to do and say things you don’t really mean or don’t intend the way you made them happen. Being mindful of the person you become when you are angry is vital, so you can still be a good parent and role model to your youngsters even in the midst of intense emotion.
People experience getting angry whenever there are things, people, and situations that upset them. You know it, too. Everyone does have a side that manifests only when they are angry. And it’s really normal that such a side of you exists.
Nevertheless, when you become a parent, you must know that you cannot just get angry all the time, in the way you want to express your frustration and disappointment. Sometimes, becoming out of control is one of the things that happens to you when you are mad, and it can cause you to hurt your kids (in any way), and you do not want that. Of course, discipline is a different matter, yet always remember the difference between implementing healthy discipline and expressing toxic anger.
You can still be angry towards your kids sometimes because parents are only humans, too, though they are among the best and strongest people on earth. But still and all, do not forget to be responsible. Keep in mind that you can be angry sometimes, but strive to be responsibly angry instead of just being angry.
